Comedy Is Sad

I’m a famous movie star.

I’m only here because I just dropped in.

I’m a rich executive.

I’ve got boats, diamonds.

I’m a neurosurgeon.

I’m a poet laureate.

James Thurber, “Is Sex Necessary?” 1929, answers all meaningful questions about the topic.

I used to worry that the seedy clerk at the seedy store where I used to go late at night to buy only a single cucumber, a single carrot and a single zucchini would think, so I used to buy a few fake things like lettuce and cardamom.

Yes, I tried to make Husband take me dancing once I said to him let’s go dancing and he said I quote we ALWAYS go dancing we just went to Keith’s wedding and danced unquote then I said to Husband Keith got married 10 years ago.

Bring back the dead cat. I’m mad for dead cats. I have three dead cats in Tupperware in self-storage. I have a dead dog in a nice wooden box inside a footstool. I have Chirpy’s bones wrapped in velvet…somewhere.

I can never show my face again in this crowd. Please, everyone, don’t hate me. Oh, wait, DO hate me; then I can write a film about how all the plastic people hate me. Or at least a stand-up routine.


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