So, here I sit in my studio apartment.  Trying to rewrite.  Trying to produce.  Trying to figure out if I should buy the software and edit the trailer myself.  Trying to find a job.

Is it stupid to take a PA job with ElimiDATE?  A reality show with big-busted young blonde chicks.  And chest-shaven young studs.  You know what “PA” means?  Not even Production Assistant.  It’s Personal Assistant.  I get to pick up the “talent” ha ha ha hahahahahaha and drive them to the set.  The TALENT.  The CAST, he calls them.  Is this good for my ego?  Is it good for my creative spark?  Where did my life go when I wasn’t paying attention?

So, here I sit in my studio apartment.  Trying to rewrite.  But, the ceiling leaks.  And the property manager won’t locate the leak.  And we own the condo, so if he doesn’t fix it, we end up paying for lots of water damage.  And cigarette smokes filters in whenever I turn the heat on.  And gangsters steal cars from the locked garage.  And health insurance won’t pay for my prescription.  And car insurance won’t pay for the rental car I used while my car was out being stolen.  And everyone nickels and dimes you to death.  ElimiDATE wants me to pay for photocopying my own driver’s license.  My ex-job hasn’t paid me the vacation they owe me.  My bank takes a cut of my retirement account every quarter, even though the banker is managing the investment right into negative numbers.

Wait, where was I?  Oh, on the film development.

So, here I sit in my studio apartment.  Trying to rewrite.  But, Unemployment wants me to go to a retraining class, to which I’ve been every year since 1993 (because everybody hates me and I keep losing jobs) after which they will tell me I can’t be retrained because I made too much money before I got laid off sorry we can’t help you and I could teach the stupid class myself.

Wait, where was I?  Oh, on the film development.  So, if I go to class, another full day of rewriting is blown on bureaucracy.

So, here I sit, stand, pace.  Watch the leak.  Pee.  Type.  Reorganize the outline per the last treatment, which downplayed the plot and up-played the character arc.  Then rewrite.  Use tricks learned in rewrite class.  Submit to Disney.  Call another potential investor.  Rewrite the business plan.  Bug the editor. Bug the web designers.  Call two more potential investors.  Write content for the web site.  Bug the artist who’s making an image for the web site and the DVD and the business plan.  Beg the editor.  Go back to Women in Film.  Go to IFP.  Ask Scott why he doesn’t want to produce.

Never quit, even though I want to.

What!?! I expose all my failings and you snicker. I bare my soul and you laugh at me.


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