Letters from My Readers

 

Dear Michelle,

 

You didn't answer me yesterday about good survival gigs for actors.  I desperately need some advice.  Please help.

 

Sincerely,

Hugh "Barn" Laurie

 

Dear Reader,


Oops, so sorry.  I must have gotten accidentally derailed into a conversation about myself, my own career, my nice tits, by broken dreams or my own excellently good luck in landing primo, plum, temp jobs, such as the following:

  • Once I landed a gig which paid $30,000.  I had to fly (first class) to France, stay for a week.  Rough.  Then, I flew back for another week.  My deliverable: one process-flow drawing.  Granted, it was drawn on REALLY big paper.
  • Once I landed a gig where I got paid $110 per hour to correct a guy's spelling mistakes.  The trick here was that he couldn't bear to delegate any actual decisions god forbid to a temp worker, especially a woman, so he made all the proposals and just made me proofread his own documents. Sweet.
  • For 11 months I worked for a man who knew nothing about what anybody did in his department.  He was some kind of bizarro mathematician, locked in his office pondering bizarro problems.  They had given him a staff of 20, whom I was to manage.  But he hadn't yet figured out what the staff was to do.  He only cared if we were all at our desks at 5:00 PM: he would wander around, asking me,

"Where is Rosie?"

 

if she happened to be in the loo or getting a cup of tea.

So, I developed a policy that more oxygen is better for the brain, and the staff would go hiking every day up at Crater Lake; then return to the office at 4:45 PM to sit at our desks.  This gig paid over $100,000 for the 11 months.

  • Once I worked in a fast-food joint, stripping flesh from boiled chickens.  I had to quit because I'm a vegetarian.

That last job is probably open, dear, darling, faithful reader.  It pays $6.55 plus one meal a day. You should go down there and apply.


Sincerely,

Michelle

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