You didn't answer me yesterday about good survival gigs for actors. I desperately need some advice. Please help.
Hugh "Barn" Laurie
Oops, so sorry. I must have gotten accidentally derailed into a conversation about myself, my own career, my nice tits, by broken dreams or my own excellently good luck in landing primo, plum, temp jobs, such as the following:
- Once I landed a gig which paid $30,000. I had to fly (first class) to France, stay for a week. Rough. Then, I flew back for another week. My deliverable: one process-flow drawing. Granted, it was drawn on REALLY big paper.
- Once I landed a gig where I got paid $110 per hour to correct a guy's spelling mistakes. The trick here was that he couldn't bear to delegate any actual decisions god forbid to a temp worker, especially a woman, so he made all the proposals and just made me proofread his own documents. Sweet.
- For 11 months I worked for a man who knew nothing about what anybody did in his department. He was some kind of bizarro mathematician, locked in his office pondering bizarro problems. They had given him a staff of 20, whom I was to manage. But he hadn't yet figured out what the staff was to do. He only cared if we were all at our desks at 5:00 PM: he would wander around, asking me,
"Where is Rosie?"
if she happened to be in the loo or getting a cup of tea.
So, I developed a policy that more oxygen is better for the brain, and the staff would go hiking every day up at Crater Lake; then return to the office at 4:45 PM to sit at our desks. This gig paid over $100,000 for the 11 months.
- Once I worked in a fast-food joint, stripping flesh from boiled chickens. I had to quit because I'm a vegetarian.
That last job is probably open, dear, darling, faithful reader. It pays $6.55 plus one meal a day. You should go down there and apply.