Crazy Lady Writer, Part One

 

Is it okay if today I write about writers and not strictly about film production?

Yes?

Okay, then, here I go.


Part the First

My friend Lorak is a very funny writer although she is named after some kind of alien from an alien planet on Star Trek Next Generation or perhaps she is merely a Klingon; hard to tell since she doesn’t look like a Klingon, yet the name is vaguely Klingonish and, yes, I did notice that they mentioned Klingons on this week’s episode of Lost although I have sworn never to mention Lost in my blog and I swear I will never do so again because they are really pissing me off with throwing in all kinds of stuff that just could not and should not happen such as people in LA who know how to move islands and what not and also if you get really confused, as I did, and want to know if Rousseau met Jin twenty years ago why did she not say anything the first time she saw him again in the present or the three-years-ago present at which time the survivors first crashed and what pisses me off about that is that the lazy, lazy-ass, did I say lazy writers will just answer every query about their logical gaps by saying, “well it is time travel and you just never know what happens,” and it galls me, absolutely galls me, that they can make up any illogical stuff and chalk it up to either  the unexplained magical properties of the island or to time travel; it is just not fair.


Part the Second

Writers who create alternate worlds need to maintain an internal consistency of the mythology just like Ann Rice did with the vampire world.  All the vampires in all the books in all the centuries follow the same mythological rules.  And then, when she decided to write about disembodied demons who have wild invisible sex with southern ladies on the front porch, it was an entirely, I say entirely, different world she created with its own internal mythological consistency and did not cross paths with vampires; that would have been too inconsistent, as Blake Snyder says, “only one kind of bogeyman per script” or something to that effect; I don’t have his book in front of me right now but you all out there in filmmaker land know what I mean because you all have read Blake Snyder or should have if you haven’t; and by the way, I don’t think there is voting on his contest; I think he just megalomaniacally judges the entries himself; but just in case you do go to his web site and just in case there is voting, I have made about a dozen entries in his contest and I desperately need to win something anything because my self esteem is so low in 2009 so far, so if there is voting please vote—multiple times—for one of my entries: any entry, I leave that to your own peculiar taste.


Part the Third

In reference to the above scandalous vote-mongering: they should not let me out of my cage. I will tell more about this later: remind me: it’s all about a wolf and a law suit and a producing partner.


Part the Fourth

Back to Lorak: she is on LiveJournal and Twitter and has a mailing list and for all I know she writes on several other platforms and she has an agent for her book-to-be-turned-into-a-screenplay but I don’t think she has sold it yet wait one moment I am going right now to FaceBook to check if she has an account there too no she doesn’t I wonder why ha ha Lorak have you aged out of the FaceBook generation you know it’s for thirty-somethings, too well anyway, here is what I wrote to Lorak about social media:

“Yes, you are right: the social media is a great way to APPEAR to be popular and have many friends and win competitions with your other friends (or not so) about who has more friends; PLUS, plus, plus, you get to steal friends from your friends, especially on FaceBook; I have stolen many FB friends just to irritate my not-so-friend Mimosa who always seems to be in a competition and is pissed that I have more ‘media impressions’ than she does, the ultimate result of which is that you don’t have to leave the house ever and can stop worrying about sun damage, being over 60, being related to Lorak or pretty much anything ever again; but the social media as an income stream is just not what it’s cracked up to be.”

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