Shooting The Trailer: Day 14 (Permits & Cell Phones)

  • The line producer doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't answer his home phone, preferring email.

  • The assistant producer only answers her phone once a day at 6:00 PM; and only reads her email at 4:00 AM three days a week.

  • The locations coordinator was vomiting, had diarrhea and had her eyes stuck together with mucous for a week, after she took my hundred dollars worth of quarters for parking meters for locations, leaving me to go to the bank unplanned once again.  Doesn't matter, though, about her being sick, since she sleeps till 2:00 PM; then goes running; then goes night clubbing.  She returns my calls at midnight.

  • The extras casting coordinator / 2nd AD lost her cell phone.

  • The line producer wrote an email to all the key crew calling me "apartheid" because I wanted to have the extras use the toilet in the park, while the director used a toilet in a local business.

Then, I had an email fight with my writing partner about the toilets last night between 10 PM and 2 AM.   Neither of us could talk (yell) on the phone because our respective households were asleep.  The toilet fight deepened into a discussion about the meaning of true equality in this country.  Hint: it's about jobs and education and healthcare and false imprisonment if you're colored and it's not about toilets for extras.

  • The armorer won't work on set unless we have a permit.  The parking lot permits are from Department of Transportation (yeah, like you need a permit to take pictures in the parking lot of a state forest), while the Department of Natural Resources issues the permits to use the forest itself.  Need two permits: one to park, one to hike.  But cannot get permits without $2 Million insurance policy.  "Even church picnics, ma'am.”  Yeah, yeah, like those two teenagers I saw making out in the parking lot had a permit with insurance?  No permits, no armorer.

So, I call around.  Who has a replica gun?  No real guns on my set without safety; but no one has a replica gun.  So, I call some gun nuts.  "Come up and fondle an actress while you teach her how to hold a gun.”  One problem solved.

  • Still don't know where everyone will pee on Tuesday.


I'm not EVER doing this again.

{Ed note: yeah, sure.}

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