Finally I had the balls to call one of my potential investors–rich guy I used to work for in the high tech world. He hates me. Everyone hates me. He’s started four companies since I last worked for him and he’s never invited me to come to work at any of them.
It’s hard to make the phone call because all my hopes are riding on him and his cronies; if they say no, then where on earth do I go for investors?
I asked him what he would want to see in a biz plan for a film. He gave me some tips, asked some good questions.
Then I asked, “Will you be my business adviser?” (Too chicken to ask if he would actually invest.)
Richy: “No, I am busy with a new start-up.”
So, then I wrote to another business-world colleague, three levels down from Richy Rich on the wealth ladder. This guy’s a real hustler with great social skills and business knowledge. He’s been an intern on Capitol Hill, the executive director of a business incubator. A hustler but a nice person. Likes theater: I went with him to see Lily Tomlin in “Search for Intelligent Life…” A person who likes theater can’t be bad, right? Must MUST be sympathetic to indie filmmakers.
We met in a coffee shop.
“So, Sandler, do you want to be a film producer? Would you like to get paid nothing zippo zilch and help me raise money for my film? It would give you a reason to talk to Richy Rich and other billionaires.”
Sandler: “Maybe after the summer. I love your necklace. I’d like to get one for my wife. She’s pregnant; I can’t do anything risky. Let’s talk in August.”
Next I tried Women in Film: maybe I could find a producer there who knows how to get little scraps of money. At the Women in Film mixers I found all kinds of producers.
- Gangster flicks
- Zombie flicks
- Gay zombie flicks
- Family dramas
- Gay zombie gangster family dramas
- Mysteries with several big-busted young blonde chicks all dating older men and later getting stabbed after having sex in the alley
- High-concept biographical comedy shorts
No one wants to help me produce my film. Doesn’t it fit into one of the above categories? Does my story suck?
Or does everyone hate me?
They must hate me because they won’t even cast me in their overweight middle-aged grouchy brunette complaining whiner roles. Oh, wait…wrong film…wrong film…wrong life.
…story continued in a later column…stay tuned to find out where I actually got the money…